Many residents from Hamilton will tell you about all the horrible things that happen on Hamilton roads, but are they all true? Are Hamilton Drivers really all that bad, and if so, how could they win an award?!
Well this year, the NDAB (National Drivers Assessment Bureau) overviewed Hamilton’s accident records and Driver’s Ed test results, to find out. They found that 99% of Drivers Ed teachers wanted to shoot themselves in the face, while the other one percent actually did.
Dr. Browns quote, PhD in Roadatology for NDAB, said this:
“Well, once I entered this small city, I was cut off by a man in a red truck, then I was cut off by a man in a blue truck, then a green truck. What the heck is up with men in their trucks?! I knew from the start that this town was doomed to fail this test.”
At the completion of the study, it was found that at least 10% of drivers double parked and at least 60% of cars are from the Jurassic Period. A whopping 85% of drivers didn’t know what turn signals are, and if they did, they used them exactly as they were turning, rendering the whole purpose of a turn signal to be worthless.
Dr. Brown found that accidents were surprisingly low for such an accident prone city, for the amount of traffic infractions was 99% higher than the national average. At least one third of the drivers in Hamilton were pulled over for an non-functional tail light, a rather serious infraction!
When it came to the Bureau’s decision, they gave Hamilton a staggering D-. However, residents told them to drive down Kentucky roads for one minute before finalizing their rating. They did this, and decided to give Hamilton an A+++. That’s right, 3 pluses! The highest in the Nation!
Dr. Brown said to The Hamilton Diary in an email:
“I take everything I said about Hamilton drivers back. Those Kentucky drivers are THE WORST! How is it even possible to drive like that without running off the road?!”
As Hamilton residents, we must be proud of this rating. Even though we’re all terrible drivers, we can take comfort in the fact that those Kentuckians are WAY worse than us! In the end, that’s really all that matters.
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