Red Lobster has heard our cries even though they know we don’t make enough money to afford them!
They’re opening THREE new locations in downtown Hamilton. One will be on Main Street of course, another will be inside spooky nook, and yet another will be located in a food truck down by the river, so that they can substitute lobsters for craw dads.
Local residents said they were “Excited” that another expensive restaurant that they’ll never go to was opening. Some weren’t so happy about the new locations.
One man said, “My wife is always asking me if we could go there on a date sometime… I always put it off because it’s 10 minutes away, and I’m lazy, but now it’s so close by! I’m honestly considering moving more inland.”
Some health concerns have come to life as well. Health officials have hinted at shutting down Red Lobsters Food truck by the river location because of their use of local craw dads. One health official said in a statement, “Honestly I don’t even know what’s in that river… and I'm the health expert. ...Of food not of rivers, but an expert none the less…”
Red Lobster said that they sold their prior locations in hopes that their spooky nook location will kick off. If not, Red lobster said: “We’ll have to close up shop for good.”
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